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Pray The Wick Burns

by Screech Calamity

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1.
I have corrupted what was once an innocent heart Irregardless of my incredibly young age I have become the tormentor that I feared Should I blame myself or my mother's creator These decisions I have chosen to make They will haunt me until the day I perish These children that I have defiled I will haunt them until the day they perish It does not matter how young I was This is something I must live with They had their whole lives ahead of them Now this is something they must live with I do not deserve forgiveness Even though I have seen the error of my ways I have contributed to the cycle of abuse The cycle that I have been forced into I am sure these people are pondering Why someone who was supposed to care Would commit such a horrific crime I have pondered the exact same thing When a child is molested or raped There is no doubt they will do it to others I beg all parents to keep their children safe Do all that it takes to end the cycle of abuse I didn't realize what I was doing until I was 12
2.
I just wish you were still here, still alive I wish you never used all those drugs I wish your name didn't break my heart I wish I could remember you Dad, I'm all grown up now I'm big but I don't feel strong Not at all, I'm not strong Dad, I'm not strong And it truly feels as though This pain is never going to leave I'm crying over someone That I have no memories of I was too young to remember you I was too young to remember anything All I remember is abuse from other people Too young to remember, too old to cry Dad, it hurts more than I could ever describe Dad, I love you and I miss you so much And since I don't believe in the afterlife I can only hope you were buried somewhere safe As safe as you had kept me I love you, dad I miss you, dad I promise
3.
Pray the wick burns faster I wanted to live, not suffer The light is flickering My life is fading ever so slow The candle is still lit After all this time Pray for a quick and painless death But surely I will writhe in my doom Slow, painful, everything is aching I feel like every bone in my spirit is breaking My soul is being tortured by monsters unknown All I can do is pray the wick burns faster Pray the wick burns faster I never asked to be a bastard I never asked to live in disaster This life is something I'll never master Sodomized Pulverized Traumatized Bastardized Pummel me into the muddy ground And light a flame to the candle you found Pray the wick burns as slow as it can If you truly wish to see me in agony
4.
The cost of living is not your inevitable demise It's the disorders you're dealt before your death Too many to count in this sick old head I could never focus enough on it if I tried My eyes water from the stench of hopelessness I have been cursed with multiple illnesses And people tell me it's an illusion and a lie People tell me that it's all in my head You didn't believe me when I begged for help But now that my wrists are slashed Now that I'm swaying from a noose Tell me, do you still think I'm a dirty liar? My eyes water from the stench of hopelessness I have been cursed with multiple illnesses And people tell me it's an illusion and a lie People tell me that it's all in my head I am not a liar I am not a liar I am not a liar I give you my word Manic Depression ADHD, bipolar Anxiety PTSD I never asked for this
5.
Hatred, it's all I can seem to focus on It surrounds me every single day It does not matter where I am My heart will find a reason to hate My mind will find a way to justify the anger As I take it out on people I see fit After all, they deserve it They hurt me, I'll never take the blame Eye for an eye, back and forth Yet another cycle I'm stuck in I push away those who love me And search for a way to justify I have no idea if it's wrong anymore I cannot tell wrong from right I could judge based on the reactions of others But I only care about what I think
6.
Haunt me, they will feel you They will kill you, hold me I thought you loved me You hate me, you raped me Four years old, ripe for sexual activity Your mother doesn't know a goddamn thing Oblivious, a broken leg, stop your whining Listen to your family friend, he loves you Why did he throw the chair? Mother, why did he throw the chair? It's not my fault I don't remember What I do when I'm blackout drunk Justify your actions with drug abuse You fucking raped me you cunt Why did pop pop throw the chair? Mother, why did he throw the chair? No love, no peace, not a moment's peace There's no peace, never a moment's peace This is the reality you live in, no peace Eddie's cute little innocent fucktoy gets no peace I want you dead, I want you dead No peace, not a moment's peace There's no peace, never a moment's peace You will never find a moment's peace
7.
Heroin Agony 03:06
I view my body as disgusting I view my soul as nothing I view my heart as blackened After all that has happened Nobody will ever understand my pain Sometimes I wish to blow out my brains This agony is just like heroin It makes me high, when I slash my skin Let the pain seep out Allow my demons to bleed out
8.
Writhe Screaming through tears within my dreams Nobody can hear my ear piercing screams Is this a vision or a forgotten trauma Each one always ends the same I am aware that this is not real So why the fuck am I so terrified The only way to escape is suicide Each dream ends with death Lucid night terrors (x4) With each night terror, there is a new way to die It's as if a higher power is talking me into suicide The voice inside my head tells me to kill myself I just want to know who this voice is It sounds quite familiar I swear I've known this voice For an eternity And it's torturing me Lucid night terrors (x4)
9.
Clinton 04:39
I am the child you held upside down and beat I wasn't even 4 years old, I was helpless and weak It's one of the only things I remember as an infant You were the first of many abusers, Clinton The day I confronted you is a day I won't forget Trying to make you kill yourself, but you felt no regret Filthy bastards like you will never change it seems I never got my justice and that fills me with agony And now you live happily with your own son I wish I could take him from you, you cunt Then you'd know how my mother felt Walking in on you beating me with a belt The day I confronted you is a day I won't forget Trying to make you kill yourself, but you felt no regret Filthy bastards like you will never change it seems I never got my justice and that fills me with agony I want to stab you in the throat and fuck you in the wound I've always been one for vengeance since the day I left the womb Everyone who ever harmed me never got harmed back And I'm constantly reminded through all of these flashbacks

credits

released March 1, 2024

All Music by Chris "Skarlet" Schroeder
Logo by Yoann Bossuet
Album Art by Paintausea

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Screech Calamity Newark, Delaware

Raw Black Metal/Ambient project by Chris Schroeder

Bands that inspire us: Leviathan, Xasthur, Pa Vesh En, Human Serpent, Bethlehem, Endless Dismal Moan, Void Prayer, Brahdr'uhz, Black Funeral, Broyeur d'Enfance, Nocturnal Depression, Selvhat, Satanic Warmaster

Genres that inspire us: Raw Black Metal, Dark Ambient, DSBM, Funeral Doom Metal, Blackgaze
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